“The Heart Is Not for Loving”: A Provocative Re-Education on How We Actually Love in African Indigenous Thought
– 6 min read
by Repiyah Hentkhepra
For centuries, the world has been told that love resides in a red, pumping organ beating beneath the ribs. The modern world sells heart-shaped chocolates, heart-themed emojis, heart-rending stories, and heart-focused romantic philosophies. Yet, this entire cultural framework rests on a fundamental misunderstanding.
In classical Meritah (African) Indigenous cosmology, especially among the ancient Kemites (Kemet/Egypt), you do not love with your heart. The “heart” (the Ib) was never considered the seat of affection or emotional attachment. This may sound provocative, even controversial, but it is also profoundly enlightening.
1. What Is the Heart (Ib) Really For?
In Kemetic metaphysics, the Ib is the spiritual and moral nucleus of a person. It is the container of:
- memory
- intention
- moral code
- conscience
- truthfulness
- judgment
It was the Ib, not the brain, that the ancients believed recorded every action in a person’s lifetime.
During the Weighing of the Heart ceremony (Spell 125, The Book of Coming Forth by Day), the heart was placed on a scale against the feather of Ma’at. If the Ib was heavy with injustice, disorder, and falsehood, the soul failed the test. Nowhere in that entire Kem cosmogony, understood by the West as cosmological drama is the heart associated with love.
The Ib does not fall in love.The Ib does not desire.The Ib does not get “broken.”The Ib judges.
It asks:
- Is this relationship truthful?
- Is this connection balanced?
- Is this person aligned with my destiny?
- Does this union honour Ma’at?
The heart is the spiritual judge of your life, not the lover.
2. Then What Do We Love With?
Here lies the beauty of Indigenous cosmology: We love with the KA. The Ka is the energetic double, the vital essence, the magnetic self. It is the aspect of you that thrives on connection, nourishment, warmth, and reciprocity.
The Ka governs:
- affection
- emotional bonding
- attraction
- care
- energetic exchange
- sweetness of companionship
When you say, “I love this person,” a Meritah (African) philosopher would translate it spiritually as:“My Ka recognizes and is nourished by their presence.”
This is why:
- Healthy relationships strengthen your Ka
- Toxic relationships drain your Ka
- Ancestral connection nourishes your Ka
- Spiritual disconnection weakens your Ka
Modern psychology would call this “energy,” “attachment,” or “interpersonal vitality,” but these are simply new words for an ancient metaphysical truth.
3. The Ba: The Spirit That Makes Love Feel Like Flight
If the Ka is the lover, then the Ba is the one that smiles. The Ba is the mobile, expressive, radiant aspect of your being, often depicted as a human-headed bird.
The Ba gives you:
- joy
- inspiration
- lightness
- expansion
- emotional elevation
If a relationship feels uplifting, magical, or spiritually aligned, that is your Ba responding.
4. The Ib Enters Last: Not as Lover, but as Judge
After the Ka has bonded and the Ba has rejoiced, the Ib (heart) finally steps in.
But it does not ask, “Are you in love?”
It asks:
- Is this love truthful?
- Does it build or destroy?
- Does it honour the ancestors?
- Does it keep you in Ma’at?
If the Ib rejects the relationship, the love becomes dangerous, even if it still “feels good.”This is why many people feel deeply attached to someone who is not good for them. Their Ka is involved, their Ba is intoxicated, but their Ib is unsettled.
5. Why the Modern World Gets Love Wrong
Modern culture compresses emotion, morality, attachment, energy and spirituality into one organ: the heart.
It is a poetic simplification, but spiritually inaccurate. Kem, Dogon, Edo, Yoruba, Igbo, Akan, and many other Indigenous traditions distinguish different aspects of the self. Love is not a single emotional lump. It is a multidimensional state of being.
6. A Simple Indigenous Breakdown of Love
You love with your Ka.You rejoice with your Ba.You judge love with your Ib.
This is emotional intelligence, Meritah Style, thousands of years before Europe developed psychological theory.
7. Why This Understanding Matters Today
This knowledge transforms how we understand:
- relationships
- self-worth
- attraction
- commitment
- heartbreak
- healing
It explains why “follow your heart” can mislead you. Your heart is not a compass of emotion, it is a compass of truth.
The Ka tells you what you are drawn to.The Ba tells you how it makes you feel.The Ib tells you whether it is right.
When all three are aligned, love becomes eternal. When they are not, chaos enters. This is Indigenous psychology at its finest: structured, moral, spiritual, and energetically intelligent.
8. Case Studies on When the Ka Recognizes Destiny: Real-Time Examples of How True Indigenous Love Unfolds
In Meritah, love is not a wandering emotion waiting to be discovered. It is a recognition, a remembering, a moment when the Ka, Ba, and Ib come into alignment and whisper, “This is the one whose destiny is tied to yours.”
This is why, across our traditions, marriages often happen swiftly and endure deeply, not because of impulsive affection, but because the Ib has judged the union as aligned with Ma’at, the Ka resonates, and the Ba rejoices. These real-life examples illustrate this cosmic technology in motion.
The Elevator Marriage: When Recognition Is Immediate
A Meritah sister of mine met her husband for the first time in an elevator. He looked at her, only once, and announced, without hesitation: “I am your husband.” Within three months he travelled back, married her, and today they remain strong, grounded, and thriving. This was not romance for romance’s sake. It was Ib-recognition, a heart already aligned with destiny before the Ka even began to bond.
The Airport Prophecy: “Go and Greet Your Mother-in-Law”
Another sister, a stunning airline hostess, walked past a man waiting to board a flight with his family. He stopped her and said: “How are you?” She greeted him respectfully. Then he continued:
“Go over there and greet your mother-in-law.” That was his first sentence to her in this lifetime.Today they are married with children, living in the abundance of a union their spirits had agreed upon long before their bodies met.
My Own Story: The Bride Price of a Bottle of Wine
On the very first evening I met my husband, still freshly arrived from Meritah, I knew exactly what my village had prepared me to recognize. I told him plainly and charmingly to prepare himself to come pay my bride price. And indeed, a bottle of wine was accepted by my father and my mother’s family, the kolanut (food of the Gods) was prayed for by my father, broken, and shared by all, carrying the blessings that have sustained nearly two decades of a harmonious marriage. Because it was not the Ba’s excitement that chose him. It was the Ib’s clarity and the Ka’s recognition of a destiny-crossing partnership.
The Lesson: When the Ka, Ba, and Ib Work Together, Love Becomes Wisdom
Across generations, countless stories echo this same pattern. Marriages formed not from emotional intoxication, but from energetic resonance and cosmic alignment. This is why unions grounded in Indigenous principles outlast many modern lifespans.Because:
- The Ka loves,
- The Ba rejoices,
- And the Ib judges whether the love supports the destiny you were reborn to fulfill.
When these three are aligned, love becomes purpose, not chaos. But when the Ka and Ba overpower the Ib, when attraction blinds judgment, imbalance and suffering enter. This is why our ancestors taught that emotional control is sacred. Emotional discipline is survival. And when confusion rises, when the Ka burns hot and the Ba dances wild, and you fear your Ib may be overwhelmed, you lean on the strength of your lineage, where you call your Ancestors for clarity. For in truth, love is not a feeling to drown in, it is a path to be walked with consciousness. When we honour this ancient technology of the self, we live in harmonious balance, and our relationships, like our destinies, become long, strong, and blessed.
9. Closing Thought
The world says: “Protect your heart.” Meritah says: “Educate your Ka, uplift your Ba, and purify your Ib.” Because the truth is simple: The heart is not for loving, it is for truth. Love comes from the Ka, and only the wise know the difference.
